Andrea Levinson
Subjective and Objective
At
the age of six, my life dramatically changed, as did my attitude. After my dad’s
fatal automobile accident I came to realize that we can’t all live “the
perfect life,” especially those who have lost loved one’s. Being as
young as I was, I was still able to understand the situation and remain strong
enough to live with my loss. Fortunately I am extremely lucky to be blessed
with such an amazing mom and sister who not only kept strong as I have, and
who continue to do so.
Having
a caring outgoing personality allowed me to take life in with a positive perspective
and be grateful for the things I do have. Interacting with different cultures
guided me to develop my social character as well as my desire to succeed. All
through high school, I was the interactive, athletic, social girl who most people
knew. Through that, I was highly respected by the younger class and considered
a great role model to others. That was and still is a part of who I am.
What
others are not able to detect, however, is my subjective experience. Most people
don’t recognize my feelings about struggling with a learning disability.
What a lot of people don’t realize is that everyone has something to be
embarrassed or insecure about, but others may not see that inner side of a person.
I feel as though I have always been able to tear myself up inside, only focusing
on my weaknesses rather than the things I am best at. No matter what I have
been told or what great things have been said of me, I was always thinking less
of myself. Until the beginning of my senior year when I was crowned homecoming
queen, I began to realize that everyone’s strengths are in different areas
and with that, it is ok that I am not as academically successful as others.
However, when I was selected homecoming queen, the gap between my inner and
outer life increased as I felt as though I wasn’t smart enough to get such
an honorable award. Even thought people look at me as an average girl who is
intelligent (who learns like everyone else), and who knew exactly what she wanted
to do in life, I used to look at myself as the opposite.
For as long as can I remember, I have struggled with reading comprehension. I had been tested in grade school and there was absolutely nothing said to me about my below average scores. I continue to struggle with reading and math as well as my writing skills, and it wasn’t until my junior year of high school that I knew I had unique difficulties with learning. I always had thought it was just lack of motivation or maybe it was just that I had a lazy brain. In the middle of my senior year, I mentioned to my mom that something needed to be done if I was going to get through college. She of course supported everything as I did a small amount of research to be tested for a learning disability.
Even
though it was a large amount of money, I was tested and found out my areas of
difficulty in processing and what they mean. All along I have had a visual motor
processing speed deficit that affects how quickly I process information, which
makes it difficult for me to express what I know in standardized timed situations.
I also have strengths in fluid reasoning, which means thinking with concepts.
The feeling of knowing I am so much lower in some areas of achievement than
others my age with the same academic potential, is just something I’ll
have to live with. All the obstacles I’ve gone through in life, including
this one, have only made me a stronger person and continue to do so. I have
learned through life experience, that being intimidated by others will only
make me think less of myself.
Now that I understand my learning disability which includes having a high potential intelligence, I am able to use this knowledge to guide myself in being more successful in my classes. For example, I am using the different accommodations that DSPS offers. The only solution is never giving up and continuing to apply myself as much as possible, and focusing on my areas of strengths. We as humans don’t become strong individuals without going through difficult obstacles. All of these barriers in my life, have not only helped me, but also have guided me in shaping my self-identity and continue to do so. Self-awareness brought me knowledge of my strengths and unique abilities as well as gave me more courage to deal with obstacles, and will result in my success. This practice of developing self-awareness through thought and reflection will be with me my whole life as an aid in guiding me.
Nov. 1, 2002