WESTCOTT vs. STERN

CBS Radio and Howard Stern present a husband and wife team (Mr. and Mrs. Jack Daniels) whose act is that the wife has the ability to squirt Jack Daniels from her vagina into her husband's waiting mouth.

Prior to the squirting demonstration, a conversation ensued between Stern and the woman concerning vagina farts or as Stern calls then "queefs". At a point during the conversation, Stern asked the woman to perform a few vagina farts. The woman proceeded to suck air into her vagina twice and made her vagina 'fart'. The sound was clearly and emphatically heard and broadcast on the radio.

Just prior to the squirting performance, the woman could be heard taking off her skirt. Stern commented that she was wearing a lace body skirt with a hole in the vagina area.

The woman can be heard laying on the floor and inserting Jack Daniels into her vagina and she can be heard squirting the liquid across the room attempting to squirt it into her husband's mouth.

The first attempt failed although numerous additional attempts were made, each of which met with varying degrees of success.

The woman was disappointed, however, in that her accuracy was not pinpoint.

The conversation dealt with the woman getting drunk from the whiskey in her vagina, as well as, discussions of trajectory, the origin of her having this ability, the size of her breasts and her sexual prowess.

MR. JACK DANIELS:
The husband of the woman who squirts Jack Daniels from her vagina.

MRS. JACK DANIELS:
The woman who farts from her vagina and who squirts Jack Daniels from her vagina into her husband's mouth.

QUIVERS:
Robin Quivers, Stern show member.

STERN:
Howard Stern

MARTLING:
Jackie 'The Jokeman' Martling, Stern Show member

DEL A'BATE:
Gary Del A'Bate, Stern Show Producer

MRS. JACK DANIELS: (In discussing as to how she learned to squirt liquid from her vagina)
"Well actually Howard, I knew I could, um release, air."

QUIVERS: "So you could 'queef', as we say."

STERN: "Could you do one of those? Could you actually do that for us?"

MRS. JACK DANIELS: "Yes I can!"

STERN: "Let me hear one of those, please, just as a warm-up!"

MR. JACK DANIELS: (Interrupting) "We practiced 'Jingle Bells' the other night."

STERN: "This is quite a talent. Not many woman can do this".

MRS. JACK DANIELS: (Fart sound from her vagina) "PHAAAAAAAART"

STERN: "WOW!"

QUIVERS: "OH, MY!"

STERN: "Can we hear one more?"

MRS. JACK DANIELS: (Fart sound from her vagina) "PHAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAART"

STERN: "Ohhhhhhh, what a girl! "You're an all around talent". "Now, you can't do that Robin, right?"

QUIVERS: "NO"!

STERN: "Wow, I still don't know how you do that. Do you suck in air somehow?"

QUIVERS: "So you were in a jaccuzzi and you sucked up some water and, there you go."

STERN: (To Husband)

"Is she great in bed? I imagine she is!"

MR. JACK DANIELS: "She can open a can of chicken noodle soup with that thing down there, so you figure it out."

STERN: "And you say that, um, uh, at some point, you got into the act because you catch the Jack Daniels in your mouth. Is that correct?"

MR. JACK DANIELS "Yeah!"

STERN: "Well, isn't that wonderful. So we'll be seeing some of that as well."

MR. JACK DANIELS: "I think you are!"

MRS. JACK DANIELS: (Interrupting) "Howard, I told him this morning, um, he likes his cocktails, especially when he has a day off. And I told him, he is not allowed to have a cocktail until we come to the show, and that's when he will get his Jack Daniels."

STERN: " Now what are you going to do. Are you going to lay down on the floor and do this, or stand?"

MRS. JACK DANIELS: "Ummm, I'm gonna' lay down on the floor. That would be the easiest way."

STERN: "Are you going to get into position right now, I'll discribe it."

QUIVERS: "Are you going to get your outfit all wet?"

MRS. JACK DANIELS: "Ummmm, actually I probably could take off my skirt."

STERN: "Hey, I'm for that, yeah!" (To Husband): "You don't mind if your wife takes off her skirt do ya'."

MR. JACK DANIELS: "Absolutely not!"

STERN: "Right, it turns you on if anything!"

STERN: (To Squirter) "Hey, let me see how you're looking down there. Let me see your caboose. I bet it looks good!

QUIVERS: "This is too funny. And the outfit she's wearing. She's wearing a lace bodysuit with a big hole, ha, ha, ha, ha!

STERN: (Interrupting Robin's laughter) "Is that right? Is there a hole? I gotta see that! Is there a hole cut out? WOW! Hey, you look pretty good."

STERN: "Your wife's got some little body on her, huh pal? Mrs. Jack Daniels is gonna lay down on the floor. Now, Mrs. Jack Daniels, is this the average distance that you usually shoot?"

MRS. JACK DANIELS: "Ummm, not usually this far."

STERN: "This is very far. I would say this is a good six feet.

MR. JACK DANIELS: "She claims that she can do much farther than this."

STERN: "Really! Wow, you're an amazing woman. You heard the amount of power. Are you going to mix some water in with the Jack Daniels?"

MRS. JACK DANIELS: "Just so I have a lot of liquid."

STERN "Fine. That's right, you don't want too much alcohol."

MR. JACK DANIELS: (Referring to drinking the cocktail from his wife's vagina) "I don't want to get drunk."

MRS. JACK DANIELS: No, I want to get a chance to be able to uh ..."

STERN: (Interrupting) "Hit that target."

MRS. JACK DANIELS: "Yes!"

STERN: "Mrs. Jack Daniels is laying down on the floor. Let me say that we have a six foot attempt going on here. She is laying back on a towel. Is that nice and comfortable?"

MRS. JACK DANIELS: "Yes."

QUIVERS: "I think we're going for more than six feet."

STERN: "I would say it's over six feet."

MRS. JACK DANIELS: "I should be able to do it as long as I have enough, uh, liquid."

STERN: "O.K. Well we've provided you with Jack Daniels. Mrs. Jack Daniels is now loading up. That's about all I can say."

QUIVERS: "The Jack Daniels has to be put in place."

STERN: "Yes it does!"

QUIVERS: "Ha, ha, ha, ha,!"

STERN: "Alright, here we go."

QUIVERS: "The Jack Daniels is in."

STERN: "Here we go and . . . . . (sound of Squirter's vagina releasing the Jack Daniels) . . . oh, oh, that was a bit of a dud. She might have gone a foot.

MR. JACK DANIELS: "Do you know anyone who could do that?"

STERN: Wow, I mean, it's amazing that she's going a foot, but I doubt..."

QUIVERS: (Interrupting) "She's getting all wet, she's going to smell like booze."

STERN: "So what!

QUIVERS: "Ha, ha , ha!"

STERN: "Mrs. Jack Daniels, can you get drunk doing this? (laughter) Mrs. Jack Daniels, what's going on?"

MRS. JACK DANIELS: "Uh, yeah, I could get drunk!"

STERN: "Drunk that way?"

QUIVERS: (harmoniously) "That way?"

MARTLING: "Sure, it get's soaked in."

MRS. JACK DANIELS: "Oh, well if I'm drinkin' while I'm doin' it"

STERN: "Jackie goes, 'yeah it gets soaked in'."

MRS. JACK DANIELS: (speech sluring) "I'm out of liquid."

STERN: "You're out of liquid."

QUIVERS: "Oh no!"

STERN: "Wow! Well, you wanna' include your husband in this act and try and have him catch some?"

MRS. JACK DANIELS: "Yes, yes!"

STERN: "Alright, why don't you catch some, go ahead, go ahead. Here he is, Mr. Jack Daniels..."

QUIVERS: (Interrupting) "Well why does she think she's not, uh, shooting very far today?"

STERN: "Why do you think your, your, projecting hasn't gone that far?"

MRS. JACK DANIELS: "Um, nervous. I need more liquid. More practice."

STERN: "Right, right."

QUIVERS: "A few practice attempts and then we'll get some, uh..."

MRS. JACK DANIELS: (Interrupting) "Yes!"

STERN: (Interrupting) "I understand."

QUIVERS: (Interrupting) "...good trajectory, as they say."

MRS. JACK DANIELS: "I'm doing it too quickly, I have to give it a chance to, uh ..."

STERN: (Interrupting) "Take your time. Take your time, no one's rushing you here."

QUIVERS: "There's no rush here."

STERN: "Mr. and Mrs. Jack Daniels are now loading up."

QUIVERS: "And I guess they often do this at home alone. I don't think that they do it at parties."

STERN: "Where do you perform this, that's a good question."

MRS. JACK DANIELS: "Um, at home."

STERN: "At home."

MRS. JACK DANIELS: "In the living room."

STERN: "Like, your husband says to you, 'hey, maybe it's time we did this'. I mean, it's fun. I mean, how does it come about? I mean..."

QUIVERS: (Interrupting) "When do you do this?"

STERN: " Yeah, when do you do it, I mean why, I mean?"

MR. JACK DANIELS: "Practicing for the show, actually."

STERN: "Other than that do you ever just, do it 'cause it feels good?"

MR. JACK DANIELS: "Well, I drink Jack Daniels, uh, all the time except for, like, four or five days a month, you know."

STERN: "So the only way you drink is from your wife?"

MR. JACK DANIELS: "You missed the joke."

STERN: "Oh, I'm sorry. What was the joke?"

QUIVERS: "Except for 'four or five days a month'."

STERN: "Oh, 'except for four or five days a month'."

DEL 'ABATE: "Howard, you actually just missed a very funny moment. She was diluting it too much and he was putting more Jack Daniels into it because, if he is going to drink it, he doesn't want it that diluted."

STERN: "Right, right. You're a guy who likes to party."

STERN: "Alright, so, you're going to shoot it out at the old coot?"

MRS. JACK DANIELS; "Yes!"

STERN: "Alright, go ahead. Let's see what happens."

STERN: "Robin, this is an unusual thing for a couple to be in to, don't you think?"

QUIVERS: (Stammering) "I, I, I, but, I, you know, anything you can do together to keep your marriage fresh, I suppose."

STERN: "Alright, here we go. Now, as you notice, 'Grandpa' (MR. JACK DANIELS) is wearing a special television camera on his headphones and it's taking up his point of view."

QUIVERS: "Oh yes, you can see his wife."
STERN: "Alright, here we go. She is loaded up and she is going to shoot the Jack Daniels."

QUIVERS: "She's trying to relax."

STERN: "Grandpa's going to catch it. Here we go."

QUIVERS: "Oh, my goodness, we'll never be able to show this on the 'E! Show' (reference to Stern's television program on the Disney owned 'E! Network')

STERN: "I know. I don't know why they're video taping this. Alright, here we go. Oh, ooh, that's interesting. Oh my goodness. Whoooh! Nice shot!! (Great laughter and applause from Stern)

QUIVERS: "I missed it, I missed it."

STERN: "Here we go again, Robin, watch carefully. Another shot of Jack Daniels."

(Sound of vagina squirting the liquid in background)

STERN: "Ohhh, ohhh. Did you get any Jack Daniels in your mouth?"

MR. JACK DANIELS: "Not enough, I'll tell you that!"

STERN: "Not enough, alright. One more shot. Here she goes."

QUIVERS: "Oh this is very very strange."

STERN: "What couples do at home. Ohhhh, ohhhhh, there you go. Well there you have it. Mr. and Mrs. Jack Daniels have..."

MRS. JACK DANIELS: "I'm sorry."

STERN: "Don't be sorry, that was beautiful."

QUIVERS: "She's very disappointed."

STERN: "Why are you upset about this, Mrs. Jack Daniels."

MRS. JACK DANIELS: "I'm saying 'sorry' to my husband because I didn't let him have a cocktail this morning and he was waiting for this, so..."

STERN: (Interrupting) "Yeah, well it's kinda all over his face."

MRS. JACK DANIELS: "He's kinda' thirsty."

STERN: "Yeah, well, you two are a fascinating couple. I don't know when you do this, I. uh, will you, like, go home today and. uh, shoot Jack Daniels into his mouth?"

MRS. JACK DANIELS: "Probably."

STERN: "Really! And, that's foreplay for you guys?"